I will be away from Blogging for a while as I’m going to seek refuge in the mountains of clean damn you Yosemite wild fires! fresh air and those people that I love dearly! See ya laters!
My San Francisco Explanation. Tuesday, Jul 29 2008
I wanted to get the real story out before the rumors went rampant. I think it’s only fair to those involved in the project that they are given the opportunity to move onward and upward without this bogging them down.
Last week I asked Marcel to recast the role of Ms. White. I asked this for a couple of reasons. (1) and probably most importantly, I’ve been putting off dealing with a medical issue for about a year now. It’s a painful situation (literally) and it’s high time I buck up and go to the doctor and see what’s wrong with my body. Again, not externally, internally. Surgery might be involved, I don’t know… but when I am not able to get up off the couch for 45 minutes because I’m in pain, I start to listen to my body and it’s time I did something about it. Once I know what’s going on I’ll let you in on it… I hate suspense but that’s all the information I can give right now.
(2) and a personal issue for me… I’ve been changing. My lifestyle is different. I’m not the same person I was a year and a half ago when I played Ms. White. I don’t think this is a bad thing but my fear was that my life choices would effect my ability to do Ms. White justice. (sounds weird, I know) She is such a strong powerful character that she deserves someone that isn’t throwing barriers in her way, I mean more barriers than she already has to deal with on stage. I was asked by a friend if this was Halo’s doing, if he swayed my decision to step down, and the absolute truth is no. I couldn’t let him into this decision at all. If I had, I’d have something to hold against him… and as I am female, and do not fight fair I’d bring it up time and again, and he deserves better than that. This decision I made for me by myself. Actually Halo tried to talk me out of the decision I made. And I love him for that. He’s supportive in all ways. But yes, I made this decision because I need to take care of me.
Dave, the new Hunter, told me that on an airplane they tell you to secure your oxygen mask first and then you can help those around you… he parallelled it to life in that we need to secure ourselves first before we help out others. Almost a you have to eat your veggies before you can have cake. And it’s time I eat my veggies.
We have cast two amazing women to play Ms. White and I have every confidence that they will take Ms. White on a whole new journey and make the show pop. The market ploy that automatically comes into play is WONDERFUL and works out better than if I had stayed in the role. I know this show is going to be amazing. 🙂
I will still help out with the marketing and PR for the show. I have made the contact for the SF Fringe and I plan on staying in touch with them and helping take some of the managerial stuff off the shoulders of the actors… cause that’s a lot of stuff to handle! I’ll still go up to SF and help flier lines and have my own Fringe experience.
So this isn’t a good bye. This was the hardest decision I’ve had to make in a long time. I wrestled with the choices for a while. I know I made the right decision for me thus making the right decision for the show. Now you know the real story behind this situation and the rumor mill can die down. If you have any question, please talkto me before you speculate on something you don’t know about. Respect “Tale End” and allow us to move forward. Thank you.
Da Count – Da Audience Friday, Jul 18 2008
Da Count 3:52 pm
Image this if you will. Arriving at the park last night traffic is getting redirected to go through the North Gate (meaning I’d have to drive around the entire park before getting to my performance space) and I see a whole bunch of men in uniform. “Great….” I’m thinking to myself as I’m driving above the posted 15 mph to get to the theatre on time (For God’s sake get me to the church on time… ). I finally get to the Theatre in the Glen and I have to park further away than usual because of all the cars already there. “Holy crap,” I think, “is this for us?!?” I mean it’s possible people have heard about how awesome we are and want to get there early….
Alas, no. I am informed that there’s a country concert going on at the amphitheatre just a hop, skip and a jump away from our little space. “SHIT!….(imagine a whole line of expletives)” Yeah… so the American Idol wanna-be’s were on a concert tour and they decided to grace our presence DURING ONE OF OUR SHOWS!
Our space (limited amplification capabilities and has been wracked with sound problems ALL run) versus the amphitheatre (all concrete with mega super star like sound system in place).
You pick the loudest. AND it was COUNTRY music! Ugh! I HATE country music! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Needless to say I was pissed. I stormed around pouting and cussing A LOT. I finally gave up and started channeling all the people that I know “DO NOT come to the show tonight, DO NOT come to the show tonight.” I was in fear of performing a crap show because of the MAJOR distraction…. not that I actually thought our voices could be heard over the HORRIBLE cover of Bon Jovi’s “Cowboy” (I mean really?!? WTF??? Isn’t that a little TOO cliche???).
The audience piles into the theatre space. Wow, this is a good sized crowd for a Thursday night. I’m SO riled up that I start plotting little digs I can make at the music during the show (being the Fool I can do that!). I see people I know and adore! This is awesome! Crap they aren’t going to hear me! Actually they reserved seats in the front row…. God, I love theatre lovers!
The show is actually an EXTREME success… not only did the actors in the cast step it up a notch but the audience actually stayed with us! They stayed engaged with the show the entire time! I mean we were still getting GREAT laughs in Act 5 scene 1!!!
My Da Count this week is the audience. They threw all their positive energy at the stage and we really felt it and it made getting through the show bearable! If you were in the audience last night, a sincere THANK YOU! If you haven’t seen the show… you have 5 chances left… don’t miss out on this one… it’s really a great time!
Click on the flashy sign to figure out what Da Count is all about!
HNT – A Bittersweet Good Bye Wednesday, Jul 16 2008
HNT 11:13 pm
My best friend is going away to Boston for Grad School. I am SO proud of her! She’s accomplished SO much in the short time we’ve been friends. I value her friendship and opinion more than most. She’s moving back home this Friday and then she’s going to Boston. I’m saving up now to plan a trip to Boston! Jelly Bear, I lovey Dovey you and I’ll miss your horribly! Than kyou for being such a wonderful friend! KICK MAJOR ASS!!! Show Boston who’s boss!
Go say HHNT to Os!
Opinions are like assholes… Tuesday, Jul 15 2008
Uncategorized 4:27 pm
…everyone has them and most of them stink.
I don’t know how many times I’ve actually uttered that statement, but it seems to be the catch phrase of the moment. With the review at the BeeHive there’s been quite a lot of conversation about our little production of the show. It seems that everyone (well not everyone because we’ve had about 2,500 audience members) wants their voice heard. There’s banter about the cattiness of theatre folk in Fresno, the show, lighting, sound issues, the set… blah blah blah. Bottom line, people want to talk.
As an actor in the show I cannot be a part of the banter because, of course, I am biased. I was party to the everyday struggles that the audience didn’t see. I know what I’ll say on the Internet, in print versus what I’d tell my friends in confidence. And not everything is as it seems… but isn’t that always the way it goes? It’s called self-preservation. It’s called good PR skills. It’s called ‘what people don’t know won’t hurt them.’ And as an actor I can read the criticism and realize that the majority of those commenting have NO idea what they are talking about. Sure, if they ready Fresnocentric and what I posted there about the show then they would have a clue about the trials and tribulations but I still left details out of those postings as well.
I find it humorous. I find the banter more dramatic than what’s going on on stage. I’m thankful my performance is not getting criticised, but hey, if it does, it’s one person’s opinion. If I believe my good press I have to believe my bad press, right?
Monday… bliss… Monday, Jul 14 2008
…I know, it’s not what Mondays are usually about… but this Monday, today, is actually kinda amazing. This weekend was jam packed with a ton of stuff for me to do! The show, the first read through of Tale End and a Scream Team meeting regarding auditions. It ws a weekend full of activites and good conversation. Halo’s friend was in town and we talked about politics, religion, airplanes… you name it, we probably talked about it. 🙂
I went in to the weekend with some trepidation. My mind gets the better of me and I get nervous about what the next step is and if I feel like I am not moving forward then something is wrong… but this weekend I realized that I’m ok standing still for a while. I can be calm about things that I was worried about. Not school… more of a day to day calm.
Tale End is going to kick some tail! Marcel finished the re-writes and we had the first read through. Now, I’ve played this role before, but I have a new actor to play off of, so it’s going to change the way I play this role. I was talking with Halo about the worries I had in getting to another place with the character and I think after the read through I’ve found a balance. Ms. White is very sexual… and this is something I’ve been wanting to tone down a bit… but how do you tone down a sex pot like her? Easy… you change her objective. She’s not out for sex any more. It’s different and it’s going to change my portrayal. Sure I’ll still be on stage in lingerie, but the reasons for that are different than before. It’ll change my stature and demeanor. I’m excited about getting this thing shaped so I can see what she looks like now. She’s older, more mature… in greater danger… It’s going to be awesome!
So I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and I hope your case of the Mondays is as easy as mine! 🙂
Da Count – Situational Un-rest Friday, Jul 11 2008
Ok… it’s Friday and it’s time for and I have to admit I had NO idea what I was going to count this week. I mean sure, there’s the play, the Scream Team going well…. yadda yadda yadda… but then I realized that lately I’ve been experiencing a status quo shift and I’m not on board.
Ok… it started like this. I’m on Facebook and I’ve been reuniting with old friends from high school and I’ve noticed a trend. Sure we’re all approaching 30 at the same fast pace… but most of them have a career and are married and have a family. Now I’m not jumping at the bit to have a family and get married… I am not ready for that. (yes, period.) But I am situationally uncomfortable with my career status. I feel as if I’ve done nothing note-worthy since I got out of high school. Sure, that’s almost 10 years… but what do I have to show for it?
It’s this unrest, this almost disappointment in myself that’s fast tracking my goals to go back to school and really find the funding for this venture on my own. I am finally uncomfortable enough with the situation that I am called into action. And I have to Count that this week. The things that need to be changed in our life and life’s funny way of making us uncomfortable to cause action.
Weird? Sure. But there you have it…
I take on everything I complain about Wednesday, Jul 9 2008
Uncategorized 6:10 pm
I do it to myself. And it’s not that I am complaining right now… actually I think my schedule is really easy compared to how it has been. There’s just a lot going on all the time. I am always busy… but this is a good thing in my life. Some people don’t understand my failure to say “NO” when someone asks me if I want to be involved with something. Now, to be fair I have said no to some things… I have realized I am human and I need to be able to breathe… but there’s still a lot going on.
I was talking to some girlfriends about this last night, I was talking about how tired and worn out I feel. They told me I look exhausted. And I am. The heat in this town doesn’t help either. A week of 100+ weather… that’ll key down any hyper active being! But still, there is a lot that I have going on. The play, the Scream Team, Rogue happenings that is not to the level of usual proportions, the play… LOL… you catch the trend? A lot of my time is focused around theatre and the bettering of myself and helping those around me. I work at it a lot. I love it. I am rewarded by my experience all the time. It’s just that it takes a lot of time.
I intentionally busy myself in order to keep myself busy. I have to be doing something. This isn’t something new or even a trend that’s a few years old. I’ve been like this since birth. I was a wiggle worm and I still am. I could barely sit still long enough to get my hair cut let alone through a church service. I have lived with it for so long I’m immune to the annoying foot tapping or finger playing on the desk… I don’t even realize i am doing it. There have been a few times I’ve tried to empty my calender and only work. I cleared my social obligations, didn’t do a new show, stayed aloof and in the dark and I discovered what happens when a hyper active person gets solitary… I become extremely self destructive. My mind goes nuts and I act out. When I’m bored there is this part of me that surfaces on a minor scale. I’ve seen it get really bad… maybe I should name her… suggestions?? But this is why I stay busy. This is why I constantly engage my brain to a thought process or brainstorm. I need it. I feed off of it. It help my brain space and mental health.
So yeah… is this normal or healthy?? No, I don’t think so. But am I going to go into therapy and try to solve it?? No, not right now. I don’t see it as a deterrent right now. I am getting things done and I am staying healthy. I’m not under weight anymore, my relationships are flourishing, I’m not self destructing… and hey, even my body image is getting better… Sure I’m tired, sure I need a lazy day where I just hang out and chill for a while… but then I have a book and/or movies to keep me engaged and in the safe zone.
Yeah… this is a stream of conscious entry… I’m not really thinking too much about what exactly I’m writing about… I’m just kinda writing. And I’m not planning on editing it very much. Some spelling sure… I always read my posts obsessively over and over to make sure they are ok. But hell… I’m only talking about myself in this one so I’m the only one that could be pissed off that the information is written down. 😛
Happy Hump Day and I’ll post more later.
Moday Madness… Monday, Jul 7 2008
Uncategorized 6:29 pm
…well, not really. I just have a laundry list of things to do because I didn’t feel like doing anything yesterday. The holiday weekend was nice and relaxing fo rthe most part. Sure I had the show but the sleeping in and relaxation pre-show was very nice and much needed.
There’s Scream Team stuff to do this week (Monday & Wednesday) and Marcel has finished the re-writes on Tale End and I’m super stoked to get back into the script.
Tomorrow I’m meeting up with some Rogues for conversation about the Fundraiser and Rogue Year Round joys. With the new projects I’ve been working on, my mind has placed the Rogue on the back burner… this will fly until September when the cluster fuck of events all come together and I’ll be a serious case for one of the mental patients that will be at the Fright Night Scream Park. But at least I am anticipating it… right?
Um… I’m sure I’ll think of more to write later… I’m just plugging away at the work chores and will get some food to energize me. My mind is fuzzy right now and I’m not looking forward to walking out in that 100+ degree weather!
Catching Up! Thursday, Jul 3 2008
Uncategorized 4:09 pm
I know it’s been a while since I’ve written… and I’m probably not going to be back on blog-o-sphere until Monday… but I can tell about the week events that have had my mind hostage!
This is the Fright Night Scream Park employee schedule. We are mounting a brand new Haunted House attraction that isn’t exactly a haunted house. It’s really cool. I’m having a blast being a part of the group. Monday night and Wednesday night I was the Acting Coach for those that showed up. It was great! We warmed up, played some games and talked character. I really think those that came out had a good time. We laughed and goofed off. If you’re an actor type OR you just like to scare people, come on out and join in the fun! We’re going to have a blast all the way up until October! It’s been a little daunting in that I’ve never actually taught acting before. I’ve taken classes and watched actors do their thing… but I’ve never taught it. When I’ve explained that to people they are surprised. This is very cool! I want people to know that I know what I am doing… even if I’m acting my way through it! Hahaha! The exercises we went through and the games we are playing have been a lot of fun and there’s a reason behind all of them. It’s cool. 🙂
Oh and the Bard! This week the review came out…. and… HE LIKED ME! HE REALLY LIKED ME!!!!!! Ok. Now I’m a big advocate of understanding that one person’s opinion does not make or break a performance. But this reviewer has not been to keen to my performances of late. Well… I know a few people that have thought that I am just falling short of my potential. Maybe it’s because I’m playing a certain type of role all the time. Maybe it’s because the majority of my costumes have been skimpy. Regardless, playing this role in particular has been really taxing. I have had to work really hard to get Feste where he is not… and I AM PLAYING A MAN! If that isn’t “against type” I don’t know what is! I guess what I am saying is that it’s nice to have the validation from the press reviewer especially in a role I’ve worked really hard to evolve. If you haven’t seen the show, please come out and see it… if you have seen it… please come out and see it again! 🙂
With those two events, life’s been pretty crazy. We’re starting to gear up for the SF Fringe, Marcel is in re-write mode, Dave is chomping at the bit to get started in this particular production and I am really looking forward to revisiting Ms. White. I’ve missed her.
Since I won’t be blogging tomorrow I’ll throw in a special 4th of July Da Count! 🙂 There is SO much for me to count this week. The Scream Team, the good review for Twelfth Night, that fact that the show even opened, the wonderful time I spent with Mommy, good friends that are amazingly supportive of whatever crazy venture I am doing… but when it comes down to it, I have to Count him.
He’s been absolutely wonderful the past month. So patient and understanding. Willing to go through the crazy social life of an actor opening a show. I think back to how I had planned my life to be and I have no regrets. I am where I am supposed to be. In theater, when you are seeing someone that is not in theater, there is no larger test than going through the run of a show. The late night rehearsals, the show itself, the after hours key downs and pre-show warm ups… it’s hard to work through. I Count the communication he is willing to have with me. we talk all the time and it’s very honest and wonderful. I Count his patience with me because without it I wouldn’t be sane. I Count that he came out to Opening Night… that’s bigger than words can express. I Count the calm I feel when I am around him. I Count him because he is wonderful.
To all my blogger pals out there, have a safe and happy 4th!!!