…when I am at the peak of my busiest time or really needing to get a lot of work done, that my body decides to tell me I am human and I need to slow down. Yes, M I know you have been tell me this for a looooooong time… and I think I’m scaled down a bit but there is ALWAYS room for improvement.

Friday night I worked at the Grill and was trying to have a shiny happy personality… I’ve realized I’ve become jaded and indifferent towards the waitressing part of my job and I find the individuals that are high maintenance really make me not care at all… I was doing a good job, I think. It started with a really nice couple that had just gone on a much needed shopping spree and were lovin the food and the company… it was really cute! 🙂 Starting a shift off with great customers is always a good sign. As the night progresses we were not too super busy, just kinda hanging out and working at an easy pace, and I started feeling bad. Horribly bad. I hung in there until the end of my shift and went straight home. This is not my usual M.O., usually I stay after, socialize, have a drink and hang for a bit… but I wasn’t in the mood nor was I feeling up for it. Plus I knew I had an early morning set building call at the Park. well… that early morning call never happened as I was up all night in the bathroom not able to keep my head out of it. It was the worst experience I think I have ever had and I am still recovering from it! I think I slept 24 hours from Saturday morning until Sunday morning… well maybe not 24 hours but there’s little about Saturday I remember. Sunday was spent getting as much rest done so I could be back to normal Monday, I did laundry and semi cleaning my room, finished the Pink Bible and to top it off I was an emotional wreck.

When I get sick I am a baby, I just want to be taken care of, I want to have the piece of mind where if I pass out and am dead to the world, there will be someone there to make sure I don’t prematurely die. And with the haze of the mass amounts of sleep and the food deprivation from Saturday still clouding my head, I was having a problem seeing the trees through the forest.  Yeah, kinda like the picture. I was trying to make sense out of issues that I had no reason to be thinking about, and that always leads to trouble. I should know better, but when I get my mind set (even if it is cloudier than San Francisco in the morning) there’s nothing that’s going to change my mind until I can see the light.

I love my mother. She’s coming into town this Thursday! I can’t wait! I haven’t seen her since Christmas and I miss her! She is one in my inner circle, one that knows how to help me through the cloudy times and rejoices with me when I can see the light. I am blessed in that I have a parent who accepts me for me and who doesn’t judge me and my behavior and who loves me unconditionally. Mom is the best and I can’t wait to have her here this week! She’ll be here for the opening of my show! And we will be able to go and get a ridiculously calorie laden chocolate something or other and pig out while girlie talking. Just like we always do. It was a conversation with my mother last night that made the light bulb ding and I was able to see how ridiculous and irrational I was being. I hate it when it’s my fault because I hate being a silly stupid girl… but hey, it happens and as long as I can see it and come around and apologize where necessary… oh, and LEARN from it…. it’s a good thing. 🙂

Rehearsals are crazy… we are in count down mode with only 5 rehearsals left to get this show up and going. I’m not in panic mode, I’m in a nose-to-the-grind-stone mode and it’s uber necessary. I want this show to be fun and exciting and goofy and a good time. I got together with Jay last night to talk about the extras we’re putting on July 4th’s performance, and it was good to get an idea and know where to run with it. I spent some much needed hang out time with friends catching up and laughing and just relaxing… it was so nice and I am so blessed to have them in my life. I went home, attempted some mac n’cheese, watched a fascinating documentary on Elenor Roosevelt on PBS and crashed out.

So here we are… all caught up and knowing exactly what the immediate path under my feet looks like and thankful for the ups and downs and the patience. I’m sure I’ll have lots o’ fun stories about mom’s trip here… and maybe some pics too. 🙂

Cheers and Happy Tuesday!  

EDIT: Check out Fresnocentric for the updates on the set building that happened during my stint on the couch. And with September fast approaching, Tale End is gearing up to hit the promo circut… check out the MySpace!

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