PhotobucketAnd I haven’t been able to get to posting or commenting. I came back to work yesterday with a mountain of chaos on my desk and even more chaos in the ‘To Be Filed’ bin. I’ve finally caught up and I’m smooth sailing, for now at least. I’m the type of person where I get distracted easily and if I don’t want to do something I look for a distraction. A work computer with no blocked websites is dangerous to a person like me… but I was good and kept myself on task yesterday. Every so often I like to go through spurts of efficiency to remind my employers why they hired me and why I’m still working here.  🙂

Silly Wednesday Stuff:


Ah yes, you gotta love Cyanide & Happiness or at least appreciate the humor… it tickles my funny bone, which has been known to be weird and sadistic.

Life Lessons:

Moulin Rouge I realized that the last three years I’ve been trying to control everything in my life. It’s like herding cats on ice… impossible. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not the ruler of the universe and it’s not my way or the highway. And the amazing thing? I’ve had a few people that have stuck by my side throughout. It’s sad what low self-esteem will do, it’ll make you believe that you don’t deserve the world, or to be happy; it’ll make you comfortable with pain, maybe it’s the pain that reminds you that you are alive and still going through the motions, and able to handle loss in unusual ways. Depression is an ugly beast that I’ve struggled with for a long time now, but it’s been those people around me that have truly helped me come through the darkness and see that I can be a light.

A little over three years ago I fell in love. Head over heels in love. He was a blogger and my ‘SS’ (for those of you that remember my old blog), and I thought he was my savior. And then I got scared, I ran away and hid. But I never forgot about him and what I felt for him. I tried, I dated and got into emotionally tempestuous relationships because I thought I could be happy. I thought I could control my emotions, I thought I could control fate. I was scared to let go and just let life happen. I was scared that I’d miss something, or that my path would pass me up because I wasn’t forcing my way onto it. I was a control freak because it masked my fear. I’ve realized now that my fear was what was keeping me from being truly happy. My fear was keeping me guarded from the man that I truly adore. My fear does not rule me any longer, I’ve learned to let go and I am on a new path. One where I’m giggling like a school girl and I feel settled, balanced… and he’s not even in California yet! Haha! I’ll talk about him more, but for now I’ll just say that ‘the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return’.